顾好你自己

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Blaming others for your problems is a complete waste of time. When you do that, you don’t learn anything.
因自身问题去责怪别人完全是浪费时间。你在这样做的时候什么都学不到。

You can’t grow, and you can’t mature. Thus, you can’t make your life better.
你没法成长，你也没法成熟，你也因此没法让自己的生活变好。

In my three decades as a professor and clinical psychologist, I have learned that there are two fundamental attitudes toward life and its sorrows. Those with the first attitude blame the world. Those with the second ask what they could do differently.
在我三十多年的教授和临床心理学家生涯里，我认识到对于生活及其苦涩有两种基本态度。持第一种态度的人责怪这个世界，持第二种态度的人则会问他们还可以怎么做。

Imagine a couple on the brink of divorce. They’re hurt and angry. The unhappy, bitter husband recalls the terrible things his wife has done, and the reasons he can no longer live with her.
想象有一对处于离婚边缘的夫妇。他们感到受伤和愤怒。这位不快乐、痛苦的丈夫回忆起他妻子做过的难以忍受的事，以及他再也无法和她一起生活下去的理由。

The harried and disillusioned wife, in turn, can describe all the ways her husband let her down. Each has a long list of necessary changes—for the other person.
另一边，那位饱受折磨、理想幻灭的妻子，可以将她丈夫如何让她失望娓娓道来。两人都有一份长长的亟需改变的地方的列表——为对方准备的。

Their prospects for reconciliation are grim. Why? Because other people aren’t the problem. You’re the problem. You can’t change other people, but you can change yourself. But it’s difficult. It takes courage to change, and it takes discipline. It’s much easier—and much more gratifying to your basest desires—to blame someone else for your misery.
他们和解的前景渺茫。为什么？因为问题不在他人。问题在你。你无法改变他人，但是你可以改变自己。然而这很难，改变需要勇气，也需要自律。而更容易也更满足你基本渴望的，是将他人当作你痛苦的罪魁祸首。

Consider the youthful activist, making a “statement” against the “corrupt” capitalist system by smashing in the storefront of a local business. What has he done, other than to bring harm to people who have nothing to do with his real problems?
想象一个年轻的激进分子，为了「宣示」自己反对「腐败」的资本主义制度，打砸当地商铺的门面。除了伤害那些和他真正的问题毫无关系的人，他还干了什么？

The guilt, doubt and shame he will inevitably feel in consequence will have to be suppressed so his beliefs can remain unchanged. And that suppression will do nothing but foster his anger and alienation.
他必然会因此感到的内疚、怀疑和羞愧必须被抑制，如此他的信念才能维持下去。而这种抑制只会助长他的愤怒和疏离感。

In the play “The Cocktail Party” by American-English poet T.S. Eliot, one of the characters is having a very hard time of it. She speaks of her profound unhappiness to her psychiatrist. She tells him that she hopes her suffering is all her own fault.
在美裔英国诗人T.S.艾略特的诗剧《鸡尾酒会》里，有一个角色正在经历一段非常艰难的时期，她向精神科医生诉说她深深的不幸，告诉医生她希望她所受的痛苦都是她自己的错。

Taken aback, the psychiatrist asks why. Because, she tells him, if it’s her fault, she can do something about it. If it’s in the nature of the world, however, she’s doomed. She can’t change everything else. But she could change herself.
精神科医生大吃一惊，问为什么。她告诉他，因为如果是她的错，她就能为此做点什么。如果是她命该如此，那她只能认命。她改变不了一切，但她可以改变她自己。

Now, there are people who seem to be consigned to a terrible fate. But most of us aren’t. Most of us have a chance to make our lives better.
有些人似乎注定要遭遇可怕的命运，但我们大部分人不是，我们几乎都有让自己生活变得更好的机会。

But how?
但怎样做呢？

Start small. Ask yourself a few questions: Have you taken full advantage of the opportunities offered to you? Are you working to your fullest capacity at school or at work? Have you, in other words, set your own house in order?
从小事开始。问自己一些问题：你充分利用放在你面前的机会了吗？在学校或工作中你是否竭尽全力？换句话说你是否将自己的事料理得井井有条？

If the answer is no, try this: stop doing what you know to be wrong. Stop today.
如果答案是否定，试试这样：别再做你知道是错的事。今天就停下。

Don’t waste time asking how you know that what you’re doing is wrong.
别浪费时间问你是怎么知道你在做的是错的。

Inopportune questioning can confuse without enlightening, and deflect you from action. You can know something is right or wrong without knowing why.
不合时宜的提问会使人迷惑而不是启发人，并且会妨碍你行动。你可以不知道原因就明白一件事是对还是错。

Start paying attention: Do you procrastinate, show up late, spend money you don’t have, and drink more than you should?
开始注意：你有没有拖延、迟到、透支花钱、过量饮酒？

It’s not a matter of accepting some externally imposed morality. It’s a dialogue with your own conscience. What are you doing that’s wrong, from your own perspective? What could you put right—right now?
这并不是要你接受外部强加的道德，而是和自我良知的对话。从你自己的角度看，你做的哪些是错的？你能怎么改正——立刻马上？

Get to work on time. Stop interrupting people. Make peace with your siblings and your parents. Diligently utilize everything you already have at hand. If you do those things, your life will improve. You’ll become more peaceful, productive and desirable.
按时上班、不要打扰别人、与你的兄弟姐妹和父母好好相处、努力利用你手头所有的一切。如果你做了这些事，你的生活就会改善。你会变得更平静，更有效率，更受欢迎。

After some days, or weeks, or months of attentive effort, your mind will clear. Your life will become less tragic, and you will become more confident. You’ll start seeing right from wrong more clearly. The path in front of you will shine more brightly. You’ll stop getting in your own way. Instead of bringing trouble to yourself, your family, and your society, you’ll be a positive and reliable force.
经过几天，几周，或几个月的专注努力，你的头脑就会清醒。你的生活会变得不那么悲惨，你会变得更加自信，你会开始更清楚地分辨是非，你面前的道路会更明亮，你再也不会自我拖累。你不再给自己、家庭和社会带来麻烦，而是变成一个积极可靠的力量。

Your life will still be difficult. You’ll still suffer. That’s the price of being alive. But maybe you’ll become strong enough to accept that burden, and in that fashion even come to act nobly, and with purpose.
你的生活还是会有困难，你依然会受难，这就是活着的代价，但也许你会变得足够强大去接受这一负担，甚至因此变得高尚、决心坚定。

The proper way to fix the world isn’t to fix the world. There’s no reason to assume that you’re even up to such a task. But you can fix yourself. You’ll do no one any harm by doing so.
拯救这个世界的正确办法不是照顾这个世界，毫无理由认为你能胜任如此重任，但是你可以顾好你自己，你这样做就不会伤害到任何人。

And in that manner, at least, you will make the world a better place.
至少，你可以因此让世界变得更好。

I’m Jordan Peterson, Professor of Psychology at the University of Toronto, for Prager University.
我是多伦多大学心理学教授乔丹·彼得森，为 PragerU 制作。